The Girl She Used to Be--David Cristofano (Book Review)

Oh, The Girl She Used to Be, what can I say about you? You hooked me from page one, like the perfect roller coaster ride--just enough twists and turns to keep you unpredictable, but not enough to leave me squeamish. I didn't like your protagonist's habit of making up danger so the witness protection program that failed to save her parents will help her start a new life, again, but that was okay. . . because she finds herself "rescued" from this aimless life by the very criminal the program is supposed to be protecting her from. It's a fantastic premise, and Jonathon's mesh of bumbling nice guy and dangerous criminal leaves plenty of room for a madcap anything-can-happen adventure.

But, then you went and got all Edward-and-Bella on me. Switch out sparkly "perfect" Vampire for scarred-but-handsome Mobster; whiny 15-year-old for whiny 26-year-old; Vampire Baseball for ... well, okay, your plots are pretty different. The similarity is in the,
"Ooh you're so strong and dangerous and yet I feel so safe with you! Can we have sex now and I'll become a vampire? mob wife?"
"No because I must protect you from all harm, especially myself."
"Okay, how about we just sleep next to each other tonight and we'll do it tomorrow?"

Is this truly what women are looking for in a fictional relationship? Because it's not what I'm looking for. It really isn't.

But for readers who like that kind of thing, or can get past it without cringing so hard they lose a filling, your madcap adventure is funny at times, never predictable, and the ending, well I haven't decided how I feel about your ending. But anyway: thanks for the ride!

Love, Ali

P.S. The Soundtrack:

I turn to the last slot in the case and remove Hot Fuss by the Killers and wave it in front of him.
"Funny," he says, snatching it from my hands and pushing it in the player.
And for the next hour the car is screaming up the conifer-lined highway and so is the music and the wind is tugging my hair and the sun is making me melt and Jonathon keeps steering and shifting and passing and zipping side to side and all I know is that we are driving north and I have no idea where we are heading but I hope and pray this road will never end.

From Hot Fuss, here's Mr. Brightside.