Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Girl She Used to Be--David Cristofano (Book Review)

Oh, The Girl She Used to Be, what can I say about you? You hooked me from page one, like the perfect roller coaster ride--just enough twists and turns to keep you unpredictable, but not enough to leave me squeamish. I didn't like your protagonist's habit of making up danger so the witness protection program that failed to save her parents will help her start a new life, again, but that was okay. . . because she finds herself "rescued" from this aimless life by the very criminal the program is supposed to be protecting her from. It's a fantastic premise, and Jonathon's mesh of bumbling nice guy and dangerous criminal leaves plenty of room for a madcap anything-can-happen adventure.

But, then you went and got all Edward-and-Bella on me. Switch out sparkly "perfect" Vampire for scarred-but-handsome Mobster; whiny 15-year-old for whiny 26-year-old; Vampire Baseball for ... well, okay, your plots are pretty different. The similarity is in the,
"Ooh you're so strong and dangerous and yet I feel so safe with you! Can we have sex now and I'll become a vampire? mob wife?"
"No because I must protect you from all harm, especially myself."

"Okay, how about we just sleep next to each other tonight and we'll do it tomorrow?"

Is this truly what women are looking for in a fictional relationship? Because it's not what I'm looking for. It really isn't.

But for readers who like that kind of thing, or can get past it without cringing so hard they lose a filling, your madcap adventure is funny at times, never predictable, and the ending, well I haven't decided how I feel about your ending. But anyway: thanks for the ride!

Love, Ali

P.S. The Soundtrack:
I turn to the last slot in the case and remove Hot Fuss by the Killers and wave it in front of him.
"Funny," he says, snatching it from my hands and pushing it in the player.
And for the next hour the car is screaming up the conifer-lined highway and so is the music and the wind is tugging my hair and the sun is making me melt and Jonathon keeps steering and shifting and passing and zipping side to side and all I know is that we are driving north and I have no idea where we are heading but I hope and pray this road will never end.
From Hot Fuss, here's Mr. Brightside.


  1. I enjoyed this book. Sure, Melody was in the habit of crying wolf, but she was trying to instill some excitement in her life.

  2. OK, I'll pass. Loved the review, thanks.

  3. Whew, one less book to consider for the TBR pile.

    Maybe they'll make a movie out of it and we can all watch it simultaneously and twitter sarcastic comments. :-D

  4. BermudaOnion, I thought her need for excitement in the beginning went a long way towards making her decisions later in the book more believable. But I had a hard time liking her.

    Care, there was a lot to like about this book. I was delighted with the first half--really!

  5. Softdrink, LOL! But it'd actually make a great movie, now that you mention it!

  6. thanks for a fun review this gloomy morning :) so, in the end it was a good ride, but you wouldn't wait in a 2-hour line for it?

  7. Dawn: Exactly! (It's gloomy here, too. What is spring, again?)

  8. hmmm...this one has made it's way to the top of my TBR pile.

    Maybe I will just read the first

  9. I'm reading this one right now and was wondering if I was reading the same book I've heard so many raving about. I don't hate it, but I'm not loving it. I'll finish it though and see which side of the line my final opinion falls!

  10. Awww, I heard good things from other ppl about this. Man, it got all Twilight? That's awful.

  11. ACK!!! I have a serious aversion to the whole damsel-in-distress and she's creating a drama, to boot? No thanks. And the nail in the coffin was the Twilight comparison. To say I LOATHE Twilight is an understatement.

    Thanks for the review. I was going to look for this. No need.

  12. I'm saving your review for after I have a chance to read this one. It is on my TBR pile calling my name but I haven't had a chance to pick it up yet!

  13. I thought this was a fun, if somewhat unrealistic, read. I haven't read Twilight, so I don't have a frame of reference for the comparison, but I did enjoy your review very much.

  14. I was interested when I read the first paragraph of your review. But the Twilight reference was a complete turn off.

    I will past.